27 Comments
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Ya Minko's avatar

This will stay with me for many days. You never stopped writing. You are so much, and so many, at once.

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Zefan's avatar

💖

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Badiana Badio Eckstrom's avatar

Stunningly written. Haunting and relatable. The vulnerability is palpable. Glad you found your words in this way! Welcome 🙏🏾 Back

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Zefan's avatar

So grateful for this space that welcomes my words 🤧

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Noha Beshir's avatar

Zefan, this might me my favourite thing you've written. It's so gorgeous, meaningful, vulnerable. I've been reading Sally Rooney lately and the thing she does so well is capture those small interior moments and feelings we all have but struggle to explain, to articulate. And reading this essay felt a bit like reading her words.

I'm glad to have this essay of yours to read, and to know you're hear again, if even for this moment.

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Zefan's avatar

I have to read her! Those little in between moments are my favorite to read about. As a writer I greatly admire, it means so much to hear that this meant something to you 💛

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Bethany Nicole's avatar

That feeling is so relateable. This is so beautifully written. Thank you for this offering.

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Karen Wesley's avatar

This is beautiful Zefan. Thank you for this vulnerable exploration of self.

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Zefan's avatar

Karen!! I so appreciate these words.

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LaChelle Chrysanne's avatar

Welcome back, Zefan. The way you illustrated your grief from being back here was so poignant. I empathize with that dissonance of not feeling connected to where you are, and having to find your way back to yourself.

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Zefan's avatar

Appreciate you meeting me here, LaChelle. 🖤

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Kim Buchwald Esposito's avatar

Glad the words found you again 😊

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Jeanne Moore's avatar

I love you, dear friend, and I'm so excited to continue to read about your journey

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Zefan's avatar

💖 LOVE YOU, GIRL

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Anderson II's avatar

Welcome back.

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Zefan's avatar

I know I have lots of reading to catch up on!!

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Ebintus's avatar

Welcome back, i missed you, wondered where you were and what you were up to. Thank you for sharing this post from Seattle

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Zefan's avatar

It’s good to be back!

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Stephanie Jones's avatar

I will be haunted by this line: That I’d come home too changed to belong, or not changed enough to stay gone.

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Zefan's avatar

It sums up a great deal of the struggle 😭

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Stanley Fritz's avatar

@zefan I have missed your words and your presence. And I love and resonate with this post so much. I have been struggling with words as well. But in your attempt to find your words and yourself you have given me some strength and inspiration, so thank you.

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Zefan's avatar

This means SO much. I was worried about how this would come off — is it just a lazy diary entry? — but hearing that you took something away from it means the world

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kamil's avatar

this was really good, Zefan. thank you <3

this line really did something for me "hugged friends who had only met the version of us that we loved." especially as someone who has lived abroad for nearly five years now.

and lastly, you talking about the fig tree in the way you did gave me big feelings about my own life and the figs on it. got me ready to read some Sylvia Plath, which I never have.

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Zefan's avatar

The Bell Jar is definitely a classic for a reason; and the fig tree is my biggest takeaway from it. And yeah, the difference between who you are in certain places can feel so stark, it’s amazing how some places and cultures bring our different sides of you. Thank you for connecting 💛

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kamil's avatar

gonna had it to my tbr list! whew, actually! I think ima have to go sit with what you just said about being different in different places in my journal for a while. looking forward to reading more when it feels aligned for you to share

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Bidi Sh's avatar

I was wondering the other day where have you been. Good to have you back!

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Zefan's avatar

It took a while, but actually feels good to be back! Can’t wait to catch up with what you’ve been writing!

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